Da Craig Crib Welcomes New Mayor

Mayor Blake Ells Holds First Town Council Meeting

Da Craig Crib, Forest Park - On December 27, local D-List celebrity Blake Ells took over mayorship of Da Craig Crib.

“Things are about to change around here,” Ells said in a press conference held from his campaign headquarters, less than two miles from Da Craig Crib. “And that starts with gluten. Gluten is coming back into this house - gluten for every blue-collar man, woman and child that can’t afford to shop at Whole Foods. Pfft…Whole Foods? More like Whole Paychecks.”

The hilarious quip earned laughter from the legions gathered below Ells’ balcony for his address.

But not only is gluten on Ells’ agenda for change, a “Yes We Can” attitude has the entire menu changing. Pizza rolls, frozen corn dogs, ranch dressing - these are among the items that will now fill Da Craig Crib fridge. And beer? Folks, the hops are getting freed.

“For too long, this house has been filled with Miller Lite,” he said. “So that those consumers are not disappointed, we will replace that with bottles of water. It’s a cost cutting measure that will not even be visible to those affected. Then, we will add craft beers - local brewers like Good People and Avondale will be a staple. When we slum, we’ll have High Life available on the bottom shelf.”

Ells also said he will remove all cleaning products from town. Another major addition is a smoking wing.

“That room in the back where they used to just put crap they didn’t want to look at? That’s gonna be our gentleman’s lounge,” Ells said. “Pipes, cigars and scotch. We’ll shoot pool there and play three card monty. Like men.”

Ells announced the addition of a cabinet which includes the following:

Greg Tice - Treasurer

Brad Hudson - Marketing Director

Luke Lucas - Director of Photography and Branding

Peter Davenport - Sheriff

Laura Waldrop - Fun Director

Joey Tichenor - unpaid intern in charge of social media

“We will also allow Katie to stay on our staff as Town Shrink,” Ells said, graciously. “And Eric gets to be Chief of Pipes.”

In a stunning move, Ells revoked Eric’s records and claimed them for his own. He also has reallocated Katie’s BCS National Championship Game tickets to Greg Tice, his treasurer.

“Well, Greg went to school there for, like, a year, so I figured he deserves ‘em,” said Ells. “Fair’s fair.”

A new day has dawned at Da Craig Craib.

Profile: Dabo Swinney Gets Ready for the Orange Bowl

My final piece for the forthcoming edition of the Pelham City News is a conversation I recently had with Pelham native and 2011 ACC Champion, Dabo Swinney.

In just his third year as head coach of the Clemson Tigers, 42-year-old Pelham native Dabo Swinney claimed his first ACC Championship and a berth in the Orange Bowl. He’ll meet West Virginia on January 4 with hopes of claiming his first BCS bowl victory.
 
“I tell people all the time, I’m nothing special at all,” Swinney said. “I hope people can look at me and say, ‘If that guy can do it, I can do it.’ Being the head coach at Clemson doesn’t determine success - achieving goals determines success. You’ve got to dream big, keep your eyes on the Lord, believe in yourself and don’t quit. We live in a world that creates doubt. You have to pick ‘em up and put ‘em down every day. It has taken a lot of perseverance and determination to make a good life. I didn’t dream of being the coach at Clemson. I just dreamed about being a good father and a good husband. I dreamed about having a good job to take care of both. But every step along the way, I set the goal just a little higher, and here I am.”
 
Swinney leads his Tigers to their fourth consecutive bowl game on his watch, a streak that includes reaching the Gator Bowl in 2008 while he was serving as head coach on an interim basis. The trip to Miami in January concludes a season in which his Tigers brought the Tigers who reigned as national champions streak to an end. Of the September victory, Swinney then quipped, “It seems appropriate a ‘Bama boy ended that streak.”
 
“It is what it is,” Swinney says of the remark that riled Auburn fans. “I grew up my whole life in Alabama - 33 years, and I was at Alabama for 13. I have a great respect for Auburn. They were the champions until someone could beat them. Seventeen games that streak stayed in tact. At Clemson, we had not beaten them in 60 years - 0-14 over that stretch. Breaking that streak was huge, because we did it.”
 
It wouldn’t be the last time the outspoken coach would make noise behind a microphone. More recently, he defended his school against comments mistakenly credited to South Carolina coach Steve Spurrier. Shots alleged to be taken by the old ball coach were later correctly identified as comments made by play-by-play man Todd Ellis, but not before Swinney offered his response.
 
“I said what I said to defend Clemson,” Swinney said. “It was out there all week - in the media, on Twitter. I’m glad he didn’t say it, but as I’ve said, if something was being credited to me that I didn’t say, I’d make sure it was corrected if my name was attached. I don’t feel bad about defending Clemson. But Steve and I are fine. We were at a luncheon together last week.”
 
That rivalry is something Swinney hopes is intensified, something he would love to see reach the heights of the Iron Bowl, though he concedes it to be much different as Clemson and South Carolina aren’t in the same conference, let alone division.
 
“Alabama and Auburn is really close, historically,” he said. “I don’t have it front of me, but I’m thinking that it’s separated by 5,6,7 or 8 games all-time. And our rivalry is heavily led by Clemson. Every year, there are conference implications at stake in the Iron Bowl. This year was a rare time when both teams in our game were ranked, maybe fifth. Coach Spurrier won 10 games there for just the second time in the history of the school this year. Maybe we’re building this into more of a national rivalry.”
 
Swinney isn’t the first Birmingham native to lead a team to an ACC Championship. And that bond helped create a special relationship.
 
“My mom was a Woodlawn graduate, and of course Bobby Bowden was, too,” Swinney said. “He knows Mayor Hayes and he’s always asking about Bobby. Obviously, I played for and worked for his son, Tommy. And some of his favorite people are guys on my staff now: Brad Scott and Kevin Steele. Bobby has been a good mentor - when I was placed in the interim position after Tommy left, I had to go down to Tallahassee and play them. And it could have been very awkward, but he made it easy. We’ve talked a lot over the years, and Birmingham always comes up.”

Profile: UNA Running Back Wes Holland Trains for Shot at the NFL

Earlier this season, I had an opportunity to speak to Auburn linebacker and Pelham native, Jake Holland. As the 2011 season concluded, I was able to speak to his brother, UNA running back Wes. This piece will soon appear in the Pelham City News.
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Pelham native Wes Holland concluded his football career on November 26 when his North Alabama Lions fell to Delta State in the Division II Round of 16. On December 16, he formally completed his studies, graduating Cum Laude with a degree in General Biology with a concentration in Pre-Medicine.
 
“It didn’t turn out like we hoped,” said Wes. “Our main goal here is to win a national championship, and we had the talent to do it. This team meshed and gelled together better than previous years. It was the most fun I’ve had playing football, because we were brothers.”
 
Holland’s career took him from Pelham High School to the Naval Academy. After two years, he chose to come closer to home.
 
“The main reason I chose to leave was for the degree,” said Holland. “I was looking for somewhere I could get into medicine and it just happened that this was a little closer to home. I also realized that if I did have a shot at playing in the NFL, it was going to be trumped by my military obligation.”
 
He was recruited to UNA by current Louisiana-Lafayette head coach Mark Hudspeth. Just two weeks after Holland had enrolled, Hudspeth left for his current position and Holland found himself playing for Terry Bowden.
 
“It’s been a fun experience,” he said. “It’s fun seeing guys come in who have been well known at other places - guys like Janoris Jenkins. Preston Parker is playing for the Bucs now. Bobby (Bowden) came around to see some of our games - it’s quite a coaching family.”
 
After a season in which he led the Lions in rushing and was named 1st team All-Gulf South Conference, Holland says he will spend the much of the next six month training for that NFL shot. If his opportunity doesn’t come, he has a nice backup plan.
 
“If that doesn’t happen, I’ll pursue grad school,” he said. “I’d love to get into UAB so that I can be closer to home. But while I’m training, I’ll also be studying and taking the MCAT.”
 
The Holland family remains close, as Wes ventured to Glendale in January to share in his brother Jake’s national championship run at Auburn.
 
“A lot of people asked me if I was jealous,” he said. “Absolutely not. How could I be? I could not have been more proud of Jake. I had the chance to see him win an SEC Championship and the BCS National Championship. I was ecstatic that I was able to experience that with him.”
 
But, Holland recalls, there was a time when he was more than “big brother” in just age. “I had to rough him up while I could,” he joked. “He’s a little bigger than me now. I always tried to be a great example to all of my siblings, especially the younger ones. But what they never knew was how much they influenced me.”

Profile: Pelham High School Coach Brett Burnett

The following will appear in an an upcoming edition of the Pelham City News.
 
The Pelham Panthers recently held their annual football banquet, recognizing their seniors and the families and support staff that surrounds the Panthers. Senior WR/DB J.T. Ross was honored with the annual academic award after maintaining a 4.2 GPA. Ross has yet to select a college destination, but plans to pursue a pre-med education.
 
A new honor was designated this season, in memory of secretary Jane Bishop. Leslie Cranford received the distinction, which honors a selfless individual. Said Coach Brett Burnett of Bishop, “She cared a lot about these kids and her own kids. She got a lot of stuff done. She put others ahead of herself. That’s the type of person we want to honor in her memory.”
 
Pelham finished the 2011 season 5-5, missing the playoffs by virtue of a tiebreaker. “We had some good wins and some tough losses,” said Burnett. “I was proud of our progress. We beat a good Vestavia team - we just got knocked out of the post season on the tiebreaker. I was proud of our kids for the way they battled. It’s a really great group of senior that we’re going to miss a lot.”
 
The banquet came shortly after the announcement that Pelham would play in a new region. The Panthers will face familiar foes in 2012: Thompson, Spain Park and Oak Mountain. And geographically, the Panthers are quite familiar with new region foe Chelsea, who makes the move up from 5A. But this season, Pelham will play Stanhope Elmore, Wetumpka and defending state champion, Prattville, as part of Region 4.
 
“We’re taking five teams up here and matching them with three down there,” said Burnett. “There’s still four of us, plus Chelsea, who is coming up. And of course Prattville is an excellent program. We’re leaving one type of challenge and taking on a new one. It’s a good opportunity.”
 
The move will affect at least one rivalry, as Vestavia will fall off of the Pelha, schedule for the first time during Burnett’s tenure. Northridge will come on to the schedule in their stead. But with Thompson, Oak Mountain and Spain Park remaining in the same region, Burnett expects the most traditional rivalries to stay in tact.
 
“It’s still going to be extremely competitive,” he said. “The battle is more amongst ourselves than with who we are playing. We had a chance this year, but we didn’t make the plays we needed.
 
Spring practice will begin at Pelham in late April, with a game likely the second or third week or May. The Panthers will begin things in 2012 with a jamboree on August 24 against Tuscaloosa County. The new season will officially kick off on August 31st when the Panthers travel to Paul Bryant.

Auburn Won (or the Week Nine Recap)

Sometimes, it’s hard to find the motivation to write. Sometimes, you get caught up in your surroundings, the moments lived to write about unwritten. But then, I suppose that’s sort of what this blog, especially at this time of year is, isn’t it? Isn’t it something that about 12 people read that I kind of just hammer out for myself that seems to have some fictitious schedule revolving around each football week? That’s what I tell myself. It’s a goal to shoot for. And goals are nice.

Reality: I took my first trip to Auburn this weekend. I went with a great friend of mine and hung out with amazing people. I don’t have a lot of interesting things to say about Auburn’s performance this week, rather, a lot of the things that surrounded the trip, things that have surrounded this week and beyond.

1. A Reminder Never Hurts. On Saturday morning, I met up with my friend David (Internet celebrity @RickMuscles) at the Starbucks in Cahaba Heights and we headed to the Plains. Now, David is an Alabama fan who is also an Ole Miss season ticket holder. So that’s your context. He had been to Auburn, but I’m not sure he had had a proper trip. So I stepped in to give the fan tour.

Our trip was filled with bizarre conversation: a talk about how his affluent family has salmon imported for Christmas dinner, a chat about how the music of moe. holds up and a hypothesis that next season, he would be an Alabama fan who holds Auburn season tickets. We shared a lot of laughs. We sang along to “Like a Prayer” with the windows rolled down. And we got into town with minimal traffic problems, stopping at Niffer’s to eat (more on that later). The corn nuggets were amazing.

We didn’t really want to pay to park, so we drove around, passing through some areas of campus that looked completely different to me. So, I suppose, I know how my old man feels. The most constant thing at Auburn is a changing landscape. Buildings rise. Businesses come and go. The only things that remain the same are a two block radius centered at College and Magnolia (more on that later, too).

We finally settled on a side of town I never park - off Gay Street, in the relative area of Willie’s. Paid $15 to pull Rick’s truck up in some bro’s lawn. They looked honest, anyway, though I typically prefer to park at the Methodist Church on Gay when I’m paying because I know where the money is going. In any case, as we stepped out of our car, we saw a scalper who wanted face for his tickets. Before leaving him, we had talked him into two for the price of one. I had never deemed myself a negotiator, but we all knew how many tickets were on the street and he knew he wasn’t fooling anyone. “You’ll make your money at the Iron Bowl,” I told him. “Ha ha. You know. You know,” he laughed.

We swung by 17-16 to meet some other friends, Thomas (Alabama lawyer bro) and his girlfriend Mary Beth (Auburn lass). But we skated pretty quick, because I felt an obligation to show Auburn to someone that had never really seen it, and Tiger Walk starts two hours before kickoff. It wasn’t spectacular, but it was Tiger Walk.

We eased our way over to the War #Drunj Eagle tailgate - a bunch of Twitter bros, which eventually included (but not limited to): @WarDamnLegal, @runyogasurf, @FearlessAndTrue, @TrueBlueAU, @twesq (the aforementioned Thomas), @masonmb (the aforementioned Mary Beth), @murphtl, @KellyAU98, @peggyrossmanith and countless others I am likely leaving out. We stopped back by afterward. Terrific people who I am honored to know and honored to have shared a beer with.

We had to leave the pregame a bit early, though, because I had to get Rick inside in time for the eagle’s flight. And there was a moment when I had seen the eagle, the band hype video, mic man and the field entrance that I got chills and my heart grew three times larger like the Grinch. I had that warm fuzzy feeling about football again. MY football team that had been ridiculed and picked apart for the last year. And it felt great. Make no mistake, I’m still jaded. A combination of working in the media for six years and last season’s unfounded speculation wore scars that won’t heal.

After the game, and after stopping by the tailgate one last time, we headed up to Toomer’s. It was what Rick called his favorite moment (again, more later). We tried to hit Supper Club on the way out, but a $2 membership fee and a $10 cover was just too rich for our blood at 11:00 when we were heading back to Birmingham.

I’ll say this: taking the time to show someone who doesn’t know their way around your town really gives you an appreciation for it. I had a story for every building, every landscape, every restaurant, every hall. It was a nice reminder of why I grew to love the place I still feel like is every bit as much, if not more, home than the town I was raised. I miss it. I don’t go back enough. And when I’m with people who know their way around, I take the actual tradition for granted - Toomer’s, Tiger Walk, the eagle flight, the lemonade. I did it every weekend for another five years after I left, and then it declined. Or vastly changed, until this year it was an afterthought. Every now and then, a reminder like that is nice. I’m glad I had a chance to do it that way.

2. Taste of the Town. Serious question, Barners: if you are taking someone who has never really been to Auburn out for a meal, where? For me, it was always Momma Goldberg’s. The original. And while I stand by none of the other locations having the same charm, the sandwich, pretty much, is. So it just isn’t the same. I think I had a Buffalo Connection phase and a Barbecue House phase. There was a time I swore by Byron’s. My favorite meal - a Western with cheese tots, hot sauce and ranch for dipping at Willie’s Wings - is late night. So, lately, I’ve chosen Niffer’s.

The thing is, none of these are the places Todd Blackledge ever goes for “Taste of the Town.” In just seven years, have I grown that out of touch? What are your choices? I’d still say Barbecuse House is the finest Q in town, even though I’ve heard great things about Mike and Ed’s (a chain) and there is now a downtown Moe’s (one of the best around, but, a chain).

Rooster’s and Buffalo’s were my haunts as a student, but I’m not sure the food at either was much to write home about. One is gone now, and I don’t know where the other moved.

Niffer’s is the best burger in town, and I’m not sure it’s close. And everyone likes a good burger. Also, corn nuggets. So that has become my standby.

3. Tide for Toomer’s. I had not been to Toomer’s Corner since the incident. And it was really, really hard. We walked by before gametime, and I honestly found it hard to look at. More difficult, I heard a grandfather trying to explain to his grandson what the trees meant and what had happened. It was heartbreaking, and I nearly cried.

When we made it back over after the game, my buddy Rick later told me that was his favorite moment of the trip. He sort of understood it. And for that, I was again elated I had taken the “fan tour” of campus.

It was when that happened that I began to lose faith in the rivalry and became most jaded. Seeing it was really difficult. But the rest of the day was a nice reminder of the way I felt before.

4. Tommy pulls a Tuberville. I don’t have a lot to expound on here, other than, “I told you so.” Tuberville turns around and loses to Iowa State after knocking off Oklahoma. It will absolutely never change. And it’s nice to be reminded why the relationship had just outgrown one another.

5. Halloween and Beyond. My neighborhood is spectacular. I got back from Auburn in the wee hours - it was roughly 2:00 a.m. I walked over to Plaza to see the leftovers from Halloween, and in a half hour, I saw an unintentional Kurt Cobain bounced by a vampire Abraham Lincoln. There was a sexy Wolverine. On Sunday, I checked out Ra Ra Riot, who really impressed me, at BottleTree. Also hung out at Courtyard and soaked in those $6 pitchers and .35 wings for Sunday Ticket. Monday, I stopped by Base Camp for a bit before heading over to Crush. And Crush was simply insane. Tuesday, I caught a cello playing, punk rock band of foreign elves speaking a language I did not understand at the Nick - Tornado River. I’ve been to Hangout Fest and Bonnaroo this year, and this may have been my favorite performance I have seen in 2011.

I just love my neighborhood. I can’t fathom why people choose to live on 280. I would rather beat myself in the face with spoons for a week than touch that. Number 5 really isn’t that interesting, but I just wanted to share.

I hope your #SuperBowlSaturday is spectacular. We’ll have a big board of prop bets, various dips, good people and good brews. I hope you have the same. Share this once in a lifetime moment with someone you love.

Guns Up! (or the Week Eight Recap)

I had to work. And that was probably for the best. While I dreaded this weekend because of that, I had a realization: I have a really, really sweet day job. Like, it’s awesome. So if I have to work a couple of weekends in the fall to maintain that, how can I complain?

I made it home by 5 on Saturday, in time to catch the entire second half of the Auburn game. Having been up since 7, I dozed off during the first half of the Alabama game. I awoke in time to catch its’ finish and head down to BottleTree for Amy Lavere and Belle Adair. Belle Adair is from Muscle Shoals, and while they aren’t my favorite of the new Muscle Shoals acts, they’re good. And Amy is fantastic. I had a chance to catch her at BottleTree what she told me was “three years ago.” Time flies. She signed my copy of the record “Stranger Me,” which is fantastic and has been met with a lot of critical praise. She plays upright bass, if you didn’t know. She’s cute as a button and an amazing talent. Check the record out.

1. I’m just glad no one got hurt. Or at least seriously. I didn’t see the first half, but for the final 30 minutes, Auburn was outmanned, overpowered, undersized and underexperienced. They were beaten very, very soundly. It looked like my 3A high school playing against the Patriots. At one point, it became a sport to kickoff and square off on the soul most unfortunate to receive. Brutal. Scary. And there’s no real way to analyze what happened in this game other than the aforementioned adjectives. A bunch of kids went to Baton Rouge and played against a bunch of grown men. And it was absolutely as ugly as it could have been.

Here’s the good news: no one expected Auburn to win this game. And no one expects Auburn to beat Alabama. And regardless of how brutally horrific it is to watch, just as a win is a win, a loss is a loss. It still just counted as one. Auburn has lost three games to top ten teams on the road, two of which will, likely, be in the BCS. They’re going to lose a fourth to a team that will also be there. But, if everything plays out the way we expect, Auburn will likely survive October 3-2 and their matchup with Georgia will likely be for 5th best in the conference and a New Year’s Day Bowl. I reiterate: in August, pundits charged that much success was worthy of national coach of the year for Gene Chizik, facing the attrition and schedule he faced. So when days sting like Saturday did, I urge you not to forget that. 2012 could be special. No one said 2011 would be.

2. Clint Moseley. He went into the toughest place to play in the country, against a team superior to his own. His line was manhandled. He had no time. Still, he was poised. He didn’t make many terrible decisions. And it was an improvement. And if he can survive that as his first start? Next week hosting Ole Miss will be a breeze. It’s like waking up one day and you decide you’re gonna start taking better care of yourself after a decade of neglect. So you run five miles. Parts of you hurt the next morning you didn’t know you had and you sleep for 12 hours. The next day? You run a mile. That didn’t hurt so bad, did it?

3. The Riverboat Gambler Rides Again. Tommy Tuberville shocked the world on Saturday night and I was not at all surprised. It’s what he does. And I’m not a Tuberville hater. Sure, he completely quit recruiting when he had to do it against Nick Saban, leaving a barren cupboard. He never took the blame for a loss. But he gave Auburn one of the best seasons in school history. He left the program better than he found it. And he’s an awesome guy. And this is what you get out of Tommy Tuberville: he’s going to upset teams he has no business beating. He’s also going to lose to teams he has no business losing. He’s going to fake a punt when you least expect. And he’s going to take a knee with two minutes left in the half when you are trailing by a touchdown to Iowa State. He’s going to recruit the three stars no one wants. And then he’s going to turn them into five stars. It’s the Paradox of Tubs: Texas Tech fans will debate this for the next decade. Your program will reach a plateau and it will never go higher. Mark Richt is essentially the same coach. You don’t want to fire him because it’s been so good. But you’re never going to get anywhere new. Have fun, Lubbock!

Seriously, I was elated to see the guy pull one out of his hat. I was thrilled to hear him join The Roundtable today. And I said, the day he was hired in Lubbock, that Texas Tech is my second favorite team. I stand by it. I hope he has mountains of success there.

4. Hype R Bole. The next two weeks of sports media coverage in the state of Alabama are going to reach new levels of absurdity. I fear it. I don’t want to turn my radio on except to hear my midday friends. With both LSU and Alabama having a bye week, there is going to be no stone unturned to find a new angle to cover, a new story to tell, a new stat to compare. If you want to hear coverage of Auburn/Ole Miss this week, I suggest you move into the Auburn athletic department. I think Bodog has the LSU/Alabama game open, which I’m fairly certain, is a new precedent: has a regular season college game ever been open for two weeks? This coversation has already been ongoing for a month. And here’s the thing: someone is going to lose it. I’m beginning to feel someone is going to lose it badly. And with the line opening where it did, I think Vegas is begging the public to take LSU, which likely means that loss is the Tigers.’

I don’t know. I think predictions are pointless. I’ve grown to think hypothetical conversation about sports that doesn’t have a comedic core is pointless. Like, the game is going to be played, right? So how about we just wait until then and see how it turns out. Oh, the team you like most won it? That’s terrific. Buy a round. Oh, my team won? I am very happy about that. Let’s talk about good times gone by and listen to great rock and roll.

5. America. I have a new “thing.” It involved America’s Team, Courtyard Oyster Bard being a block away, Sunday Ticket and $6 pitchers. I only write this to encourage you folks to join me. It’s a real good time. A real good time.

Mr. Two Bits (or The Week Seven Recap)

Low key. Caught Toro y Moi on Thursday and Man or Astro-Man? on Friday after the Mountain Brook game, so I was a bit spent and my wallet was, too. I stayed on the couch until Uncle Verne took to the air, drifting in and out of sleep, as I awaited the 5:00 rendezvous at my pal Joey’s. It was just three bros - eating chilli dogs, listening to records and watching football. At one point, card games began, and the other two bros tried to teach this one how to play rummy. Problem is: I hate being the only bro in the room who doesn’t know how to do something, and I had consumed a gallon of Blue Ribbon Award Winning beer. So I wasn’t very receptive. Nonetheless, a nice Saturday evening with besties - ain’t much more you can ask for, right?

1. FREE CLINT MOSELEY. Told y’all. He’s not Cam Newton. He’s not even Chris Todd. But he’s not worse. And “not worse” is worth a shot, right? Frankly, he didn’t do a LOT more than Trotter, but it felt better, didn’t it? It felt like the offense was running at a standard pace, rather than stuck in slow motion. It’s all patchwork, anyway. Neither guy will be the starter in 2012, and we all know this team isn’t competing for championships this season. But don’t tell that to Brad Nessler, who was busy figuring out ways Auburn was “still in the hunt” in the West. It was polite. It was cute. But it wasn’t fooling anyone.

2. National Coach of the Year - Gene Chizik. That’s what the local media who had written Auburn off in March said, right? He would be lucky to win five and eight was worthy of national coach of the year? So where is all the praise? “Well, John Brantley was hurt, and Mississippi State ended up not being so good, and well, Ole Miss is still Ole Miss, so really, Auburn can only finish with two REAL wins, and that’s not good enough.”

Shutup.

The win over Florida went a long was in determining how this season finishes. Ole Miss, Samford and Georgia are very manageable, and if all three are won, Auburn may make the Chick-Fil-A Bowl or, dare I say, the Cotton. Just two months ago, the media market which, very fairly, covers Auburn, said they would be fortunate to make the BBVA Compass Bowl in Birmingham. The race isn’t over, but apologies feel more demanding and equally less likely.

3. Speaking of apologies. The governing body of college athletics that doles out punishments to schools which have committed infractions came out this week and said, “We have interviewed more than 50 people about Cam Newton and the HBO four and we can find no wrongdoing. So we are closing the case, for now.”

“BUT THEY SAID FOR NOW,” says true Christian/Duckhead model/famous person/legal expert Clay Travis and the rest of Tide Nation.

Holy crap.

I have never seen so many people cling to two tiny, relatively meaningless words. TWO very prominent Alabama Twitter stars have told me something, and I’ll allow them their anonymity out of respect for two people that have grown to be friends:

“When Auburn came in and won the championship, THE VERY NEXT YEAR, it took every bit of joy I had out of that 2009 run. That was something I was supposed to be able to live on for years. And Auburn ruined it.”

So what did that fan base, afraid to make the same admission, do? They spent the next 12 months trying to suck every fiber of joy out of my championship. And they did it. And when they, and their warlord, Danny Sheridan, were proven wrong? “Naw. They’re still cheatin.’ Says so right there. ‘For now.’ That means cheatin’ is a afoot.”

So do we get to spend the next 400 days, 12 hours a day, listening to the same amount of apologies on radio as accusations we had to endure? Of course not. I also had a very prominent radio friend who will maintain anonymity text me that my rant against radio was funny. I liked that.

Listen, 2010 meant a lot to me. I dropped a lot of cash and I was there for most of it, including the trip to Phoenix. And because of how overwhelming it all was, I’ve never dove in head-over-heels this season the way I typically do. Still haven’t made a game, though I plan to rectify that against Ole Miss. But the NCAA’s letter to Jay Jacobs is cause for celebration.

“Y U CELEBRATE IF U KNEW U WAS RIGHT, AUBIE?”

Because. Because you DID suck every fiber of life out of me for a year. To a point that I barely cared about football anymore. And you were proven wrong. And people like to be proven correct. You can grandstand about “public perception” all you want. “Actual perception” is that nothing was found.

Did Cecil Newton solicit $180,000 from Mississippi State? Yep. But could it be the LEAST bit possible that, this preacher, realized his sin and bailed out before he had taken it too far, opting instead to go somewhere he could get the whole mess behind him? For rival fans, of course not. No way someone gets offered money one place and doesn’t go to the highest bidder. Still, the NCAA, less than a decade ago, told Alabama it was “staring down the barrel of a gun,” and has now told Auburn, “We appreciate all of your cooperation.”

But yelling, “CHEATER,” is way easier than rationale. I don’t expect you to buy it. But with the NCAA’s letter, you now look foolish and you’re grasping at straws.

4. Coaches Gone Wild. So Georgia’s defensive coordinator tried to fight with James Franklin? Jim Schwartz tried to fight with Jim Harbaugh? As one caller on Finebaum program today said, “That Trooper Taylor was doing the Gator chomp, PAWL.”

Let’s start there. Didn’t see it. Who cares? Every team in America that beats Florida taunts them with their own chomp. But “Rammer Jammer” is “tradition” and “class.”

How about Nick Saban dropping the “S-bomb” today in a live press conference, forcing radio stations to use their dump buttons on a deity. That’s fine. It’s “class.” “He’s just trying to get their attention, and boy they need it.”

If Gene Chizik does the SAME thing, it is the only conversation in this state for a week. If MIKE SHULA does the same thing, it is the only conversation in this state for a week. But Coach Nick Saban? Hell, that’s funny. Dumb media deserved it. The Alabama fan base’s double standards of “class” and “tradition” are why everyone else hates you. And there are a few that get it. Too bad there are more Gumps who ruin it for you.

Back to the UGA/Vandy scuffle: really? “Mark Richt is a real Christian man.” Yet he allows the type of garbage to run around his program that he does? And here he is, pulling a Richt, getting on the hot seat after two losses in three weeks and now on the verge of winning the division. And his assistants are picking fights with Vanderbilt. Vanderbilt, who doesn’t have an athletic department. Vanderbilt, who lost to them by just five. Vanderbilt.

People are dumb.

5. Conference Expansion. Hot rumor: Alabama is trying to block Auburn’s move to the East, demanding that Missouri, should they join, be placed in the East. How stupid is that? So Florida, South Carolina and Kentucky have to travel to Missouri every other year?

I’m dying for the East. Oh man. And I hope they can preserve the Iron Bowl, but if they don’t? It’s probably for the best to let this thing cool down anyway. Here is why I’m dying for the East - a presentation:

a. ‘Cruitin. Auburn can spend more time recruiting Florida and Georgia. It can still get its share of Alabama. And it will be good.

b. Travelin.’ How awesome are the West road trips? You’re telling me instead of an impossible trek to Fayetteville every two years, Oxford, Starkville and Tuscaloosa (Baton Rouge is okay), I now get Knoxville, Lexington, Gainesville, Athens, Columbia and Nashville? Holy, holy, hell. I will travel every week. Three of those are my favorite SEC road trips. A fourth is one of my three favorite cities in the South (in no order, Birmingham, New Orleans, Nashville). What an amazing change of scenery.

c. Geography. It just makes sense. Alabama fans love this “put down” that Auburn is in Georgia. I’ve never found it insulting, frankly, much like their idea that calling Auburn “A.P.I.” is an insult. It’s not. Auburn was, in fact, Alabama Polytechnic Institute.

If Texas A&M and Missouri ARE the new schools (well, we know the former is), no other team in the West makes more geographic sense. And if you’re going to “extend the conference footprint” by branching out that far, at least have some sort of decency with the ideas of “East” and “West.” Don’t get all Big East goofy on me.

d. Domination. And finally, the East is in shambles right now. Mark Richt is on the back end of a career. Steve Spurrier appears to actually be losing his mind. Derek Dooley has never been able to get things going. Will Muschamp has a more difficult road than imagined. And Kentucky and Vanderbilt. Auburn can go to the East, next year, and IMMEDIATELY be on the path to Atlanta every season. It’s ridiculous.

6. Wishing the Season Away. We spend eight months begging, pleaing, wishing and hoping for college football season to arrive. Why then, have we spent so much time THIS season wishing it away? Why have we spent the last month talking about Alabama against LSU on November 5? Why have we spent the duration talking about things like expansion and last year’s national championship and cheatin?’

Because people care more about the soap opera, the theater, than the games themselves. At least that’s what can be sensationalized, because it takes no actual knowledge of sport to talk about all of that. COACHES ON HOT SEATS! EXPANSION!

How about we enjoy Alabama v. Tennessee and Auburn v. LSU? How about we soak in every bit of it? Remember that first week, just six ago when we were glued to our televisions watching Mississippi State and Memphis? We forget that feeling far too quickly.

This season has seemed to amplify that even more. It depresses me. I’ve said that and I’ve spent the majority of this blog talking about all of those things. I suppose I allow the headlines to influence. It IS good fodder. It DOES make for interesting conversation. Doesn’t make it good. Let’s get back to enjoying Wednesday night MAC games.

FREE CLINT (or The Week Six Recap)

We have reached the midway point of the 2011 season, and I never in a million years would have imagined I would have watched four of its six games with my dear friends, Eric and Katie. Don’t misunderstand - I love those two like the deserts love the rain. But it’s super “third-wheely,” no?

Anyhow, I had been previously offered a skybox at Bryant-Denny, but I hesitated on accepting because of Antiques at The Gardens. I had earlier this week made official plans to go to the UAB - MSU game at Legion Field at 11, but I was needed at work far more than I realized. I spent the morning at The Gardens before heading to The Cra-Vines Crib in time for the two kickoffs this house divided was displaying on its two screens. It was a wild time.

1. There are some good things. So let’s build you up real nice like before we get into the heated debates. The defense was flawed, but the only spot that is glaring is the 92-yard TD run by Joe Adams. Otherwise, the defense had Auburn in a position to win this game for the second week in a row.

Steven Clark, while starting with the miserable 11-yard punt, is still terrific. Lights out. Any school in America would love to have him. Auburn does.

Eltoro Freeman is slowly beginning to show us what we thought he could be. After three (four?) years. I hope he continues to grow. He’s a loose cannon who goes full speed 100% of the time. My high school coaches always told me, “If you’re going to make mistakes, make the big.” He’s this type of player. But at this level, made too often, a player becomes a liability (see also: every current quarterback receiving quality snaps).

And I will go ahead and make this plea now, before jetting into the debate: before this season started, pundits, talking heads and prognosticators were saying things like, “If Gene Chizik wins eight games, he should be National Coach of the Year. Against that schedule, and with that youth, there is no WAY he can get more than five or six.” Auburn has lost to two Top Ten teams on the road. FAR on the road. With a freshman laden team and no reliable quarterback in sight. They have four VERY winnable games left in this season: Florida, Ole Miss, Georgia, Samford. Let’s not start jumping off bridges and calling for second stringers and firings just yet.

Everyone conceded this season. It had no hope. It was a rebuilding year. Why, then, do people seem surprised and rush to harsh decisions when it comes to fruition? There is a new crop of Auburn fan that is spoiled beyond rationale. I suppose that is a good problem to have, but I remember some lean years. LEAN years. And I didn’t ride out the 70’s. So grasp that, regardless of how much more level the playing field is now than it was in the 70’s, Auburn isn’t going to win the national championship every year. Now, 2012 could carry bolder expectations. We’ll get there.

2. Kiehl Frazier. I like Kiehl Frazier a lot. A LOT. But throughout this game, I saw people tweeting “Kiehl = Cam 2.0!” and “PLAY KIEHL HE’S THE NEXT CAM OMG WE WILL WIN MORE IF WE DO.”

That’s stupid. And he proved it, by completing two of his four completed passes to Arkansas. Now, when Kiehl has the full grasp of the offense, he could make 2012 very special, as the road trips flip, the schedule becomes more favorable and almost no one leaves (and Mike Blakely, Corey Grant and TJ Yeldon come on board - what, seven deep at running back?).

In a tweet, Kiehl apologized to the Auburn family, insisting that he had let them down and he would work to make things better. It’s that attitude that encourages me about a very bright future with Kiehl leading this team. But the future isn’t now. Starting Kiehl, for me, is throwing the towel in on the season. I think it was made clear at the beginning of the season that Kiehl would not be the starter - that THIS would be his role, and either Trotter or Moseley would start while Frazier took a year to more effectively learn the offense. Trotter is becoming a liability, but until Frazier can show he earns the starting position, if a change is to be made, that change should be Moseley.

With 5:02 remaining and Auburn down three scores, there was no reason Moseley should not have been given reps. I do not know more about football than Gene Chizik or Gus Malzahn, so I’m not going to critique playcalling or decisions made when the game was close. But I will say that at that moment in the game, Moseley should have been given a couple of drives - just to see. The only reason I can imagine he was not is because there is no real quarterback controversy right now. Frazier, and most reasonable fans, understand that his role is not changing. If Moseley plays, and looks good doing it, then there is a problem. I also don’t believe either Trotter or Moseley has a shot at being the starter next season, which may also be a factor in the decision.

I thought Trotter had played well through the first four weeks. But he has regressed in the last two. I’m not all in on making a change for the sake of change, but it has to get better quickly or it will be time to “throw the towel in” and start Frazier.

3. Sunday Funday. I spent a few hours back at The Gardens early Sunday for Antiques at The Gardens, but I then had an opportunity to take in my friends Great Book of John open for British indie band Scars on 45 at Vulcan Aftertunes. The event is spectacular, and not enough people take advantage of great music, food and beers from Birmingham’s most scenic view. I encourage you to get out to the next one, though I’m too lazy to look up who is playing or when.

The band is phenomenal. It gave me a “Robert Smith has replaced Chris Martin in Coldplay and there is a girl sharing lead vocals” vibe. They have a tune that will be included in an upcoming “Grey’s Anatomy,” and their first single “Give Me Something,” is brilliant. There was another tune that I loved, but I didn’t catch the title. Had a chance to meet the girl, too. Sexy accent, pictures coming soon.

Far be it for me to leave out Great Book of John - I’ve enjoyed the times I have had a chance to hang out with Bekah and Taylor. The new record is as good as local rock can get (along with bands like Vulture Whale). Check it out. I think Charlemagne and Renaissance have it, and I believe it’s actually at Soca Clothing, too.

Sunday night I caught Mat Kearny at Workplay. I’m not necessarily a fan, though I like a couple of his jams. “Nothing Left to Lose” is pretty hot. He also covered “Pumped Up Kicks” by Foster the People,” which was rather bizarre. A nice set, and a nice finish to a fine weekend in the Magic City which started with my first trip to Railroad Park on Friday.

An Internet Funeral (or How We React)

I love award shows. But what I loathe - the most cringe-inducing moment in television - is the “dead guy montage.” It’s not that we shouldn’t pay tribute. It’s not that we shouldn’t honor the work of those who inspired us to live, laugh and follow our dreams. It’s that we have to hear the crowd applaud more loudly for two or three of the faces shown than the others. As if that person’s life was more significant. We liked that legendary award winner more than the guy who edited sound.

America lost two inspirational visionaries on October 5, 2011. Neither should have come as a surprise, as both men were gravely ill. Nonetheless, it’s on a day like today we have an opportunity to celebrate the lives of men like these - men who, in nearly opposite ways, changed the world. And people took to the internet today to mourn in their own ways.

No historical period fascinates me, moves me, the way the civil rights movement does. As a junior at Auburn, I reenacted the march across the Edmund Pettus Bridge for a journalism class, standing alongside Martin Luther King, III, Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton and countless men and women who survived the actual day. Today, I live in the heart of the city publicly scolded for its intolerance, a city more socially progressive than almost any in America. And today I read this timeline of just what Fred Shuttlesworth meant to this city. Today, I BEG YOU to do the same.

A few hours after learning of the passing of Reverend Shuttlesworth, news broke about the passing of Apple founder, CEO, technological god Steve Jobs. I own an iPhone 3G. I like it a lot. And the reception of this news on the internet is, understandably, going to be more public, as it is a platform that he changed forever. He changed the way we communicate, the way we organize and the way we buy and consume music. He took us from the Stone Ages of 14.4K dialups into around-the-clock instant access in little more than a decade.

We lost two damn fine men today.

I made a Twitter comment that sparked absolute outrage from some dear friends, a comment I stand behind, but a comment that I couldn’t elaborate on in 140 characters (or, in this case, 280, as my original thought spanned two tweets):

@radiofreeblake: I scoff at the notion of memorializing one more than another, still, seems people are more thankful for gadgets than basic civil rights.

@radiofreeblake: Two men died today that changed the world. My point: I don’t see any “RT this if you can eat at a diner today with your black friend.”

“YOU JUST WANT TO GET A RISE OUT OF PEOPLE,” some friends said.

No, that’s not what I was looking for at all. Yes, I do that a large majority of the time. But this was one of the most honest observations I have made publicly. I didn’t discount either man’s significance, their contributions or impact. If it read that way, it was misunderstood.

A brand, @FordModels, sent an impossibly viral tweet, which said, roughly, “RT this if you are touching something that Steve Jobs made!” Then, a brand which should be smarter, @wired, gave it a RT and it never stopped.

Any idea who @FordModels is? It’s some kind of talent or modeling agency. I don’t have numbers to back it up, but I wonder how many new followers they gained during this shameless capitalization? That @wired jumped in on the action is equally appalling.

I live in downtown Birmingham. I am blocks from the 16th Street Baptist Church and the Civil Rights Institute. Today, I was able to walk to my apartment without being sprayed with a firehose or bitten by a dog. And I walked there beside many African-Americans. Then, when I got home, I picked up my laundry and walked to the laundromat where I was the only white person in the room. But I didn’t see anyone sending out, “RT this if you didn’t get sprayed by a firehose today!”

I just think the way people memorialize things is stupid. I think there are a lot of people who thought they could graduate to Twitter who had not yet mastered Facebook. You don’t have to grandstand about how much more you loved someone’s work than me. Sure, I did something similar when I blogged about R.E.M. recently. But no one died. I never tried to sell anyone on the idea that R.E.M. changed the world, or that they had more signifcance than anyone else. I just wrote that they changed ME and had more significance to ME.

There was a moment today when the people grandstanding about how much they loved their Apples irked me, because people forget what is really meaningful. Apple is largely responsible for the deterioration of actual human interaction - the preoccupation with one’s phone in social settings. And I am as guilty of that as anyone in America. Trust me.

I’m not looking to discredit. I’m just looking for real heros to not be forgotten. I had no intentions of commenting on either, as I didn’t know either man. But the @FordModels/@wired tweet sent me over the top. Two families lost sons, fathers and brothers today. But there were also thousands of other families that lost the same.

America lost two damn fine men today.

DE-FENSE /clapclap (or The Week Five Recap)

Where to turn? Most everyone had other plans or had left town entirely. And though this had been another of the road trips I had circled, Mountain Brook football makes most of those impossible. So I hung out with Katie and Eric, the latter, a muted version of himself fresh from a Friday tonsillectomy. I arrived an hour before Auburn’s kickoff, while Katie put the finishing touches on a Gator Chilli. Now, bros, I give her plenty of crap for her “healthy cooking,” and she complained that this was not her best effort, but bros, it was a tasty chilli. I quite enjoyed it with my gallon of Gadsden’s own Truck Stop Honey Brown from Highland Package. All the ingredients and bold flavors for a super, and super chill, Saturday. Even managed to top off the evening with tUnE-yArDs at BottleTree Cafe with my pal, internet superstar, Rick Muscles. I was pleased with the day’s results.

My game days are way more boring this year.

1. FREE KIEHL FRAZIER. No. My dad shouted this sentiment to me many times Saturday. I’m not on board. Maybe he starts before season’s end, but what has Barrett Trotter done to lose his job? His mistakes have been relatively minimal, he’s managing games and he’s doing everything asked of him. Did he look amazing Saturday? No. But he was playing what has been considered, what, the third best defense in the best conference in the land? He did enough to win. I like the way that Kiehl is being used, though, it’s nearly always as a “Wildcat” quarterback. A commenter on these posts recently said, “The Wildcat is pointless if the trigger man isn’t a threat to throw.” And he’s right. Which is why the Dyer Wildcat experiment still baffles me. Kiehl can be a threat to throw, and maybe that’s where it’s going. But it’s not happening often right now. Kiehl is the future. And his time will come, but right now, Barrett should be the starting quarterback until he loses it. He hasn’t yet come close.

2. So this is defense. And it’s not half bad. I have no clue why it took until Week Five to hold an opponent, which happened to be in the top ten, to 13 points, but I’ll take it. I wish that I had some grand, elaborate point to make here, but I don’t. I do think a lot of it had to do with special teams - punts that pinned South Carolina deep in its own territory. Field position was far more important than I expected.

3. The Associated Press ranks Auburn 15th in the nation. Why? The writer’s poll was so eager to knock Auburn out of the poll, and now, it has them among the nation’s elite? I really feel like writers are tired of being proven wrong and have resigned themselves to waiting for it. No one. No one. No one. Not nationally, not in this market have given Auburn a chance to win more than six games. And now? They have four wins after five weeks, with a dismal Ole Miss, an average Georgia, a defensively inept Arkansas, a beatable Florida and Samford left on the schedule. Could Auburn find four wins in that group? I think so. I know I’m optimistic, but I’ve felt this team would fare better than “the experts” did since the preseason. I know this month’s schedule is daunting, but one of the reasons it was daunting is behind and in the W column. Moreover, Clemson turned out okay, right? Maybe that loss wasn’t so bad after all. I’m fine with the role. Auburn has been an underdog since the beginning of time. I’m not sure anyone believed they were winning a national championship last season until confetti covered the field at the University of Phoenix Stadium. And since, no one will stop believing it can’t be undone. Until they prove they can’t win, I’m going to believe that is all they do (no matter what). And I think the Associated Press has finally allowed itself the same line of thinking.

I’d prefer them all, local and otherwise, to keep doubting. Haters gon’ hate.

4. tUnE-yArDs. I went to BottleTree near the end of Alabama’s decimation of Florida for the tUnE-yArDs show. It was sold out. Rick Muscles was meeting me, but he had just one ticket in hand. So I pulled a Greg - I talked the doorman into letting me “check out the merch.” While I was buying the record, “WHOKILL,” I mentioned that I was “in and out” as the show was sold out. He said, “Let me see if I can get you on our list.” He walked to the door and brought me a wristband. And what I saw was one of the best shows I’ve seen at one of my favorite venues. The xx, The Hold Steady, Monotonix, TV on the Radio, maybe Josh Ritter and Ingrid Michaelson - these are the only shows in the same conversation. This band is amazing. And I recommend picking up the record, at the very least, the lead single, “Gangsta.”  BottleTree is about to roll this fall - Ra Ra Riot, Washed Out and more. It’s a hot time to check out some hot tunes. Come join me.